Tribute to Mary Gardner

Mary wrote this for me when I first started this blog. She was back home on an all too brief visit to st Silas. She was a great women of God whose adventurous and courageous peaceful spirit was a great example to us all. I know her place in the life beyond will be just as glorious.

Meditation on Luke by Mary Gardner Togo

Luke 7:36-50

I’m Simon.
I’m trendy, one of the in crowd.
I come from a good family,
Attended a well known school,
I’m known for my parties.
My dining room is the latest fashion -
Minimalist reclining couches.
My cook serves the most elegant cuisine -
cubes of grilled fish, carrot julienne,
Flat bread garnished with coriander leaves and pine nuts.
And I’ve invited the controversial Galilean prophet
To entertain my guests.

I am…never mind who I am, I’m a no one.
Shouldn’t be here in the house of this stuck-up snob.
This is the last place you’d think someone like me could get close to Jesus,
But I’m right beside him, crouched at his feet.
And they are too embarrassed to cause a scene and have me thrown out.

I wonder if inviting Jesus was a mistake.
There’s this wretched woman…
I like to be in control, I hate to look stupid,
And she shouldn’t have been let in.
They say Jesus is a prophet.
Doesn’t he know what kind of woman that is,
Weeping all over his feet!

Jesus, I heard your words.
You said: God loves you.
You said: A bruised reed he will not break.
You said: Come to me and receive, receive forgiveness, healing, life…
So I’ve come. I offer you these tears,
Fruit of a wasted life.
I pour out this perfume -
The reason I have it is shameful,
But what else can I give?
If you are what I believe you to be,
You will understand.

Jesus said to me: Simon…
You’re shallow. You’re a show off.
You haven’t even common courtesy.
Your faith in God is a sham,
You know nothing about love.
Your life is all on the surface…
Well, he didn’t actually say that,
But I read it in his eyes.
It was like a black pit opening in front of me.
I could pretend I never heard him…
But what if…
One day…
He spoke to me as he spoke to her,
Saying so gently, so lovingly,
Go in peace.

The prisoner

In the darkest bed

I have laid you down

Down in the deepest well

Though you call for me

I have distanced myself,

From afar I see you

Deafened and disconnected

Perspective gained and altered

By the deep.

The urgency of your cries

Have dwindled and faded

Into the gloom

Circling back to me in the fog

Yet muffled, damped down.

By the dim

All urgency is gone now

The importance of your cries

Pushed down stilling the deep.

There in the stillness you lie

Not yet dead not forgotten.

But to live I will push you

Deep beneath

Into the deep dark

Into the quiet, the recesses

Not forgotten but not minded

Lest One day in all carelessness

I forget to keep you there.

And breaking the air

Your cries scatter the fog

Breaching the surface

With your small waving hands

Grasping and gasping for air

Screaming for freedom

You Escape

Ripping me apart

With your life

excuses

we run

we hide,

we evade

the issue of why

and attempt to forgo

the things blamed easily

as the cause of our falling.

yet avoid our hearts

fixed not on the eternal way

but in the earth,

darkness bound

and tethered,

yet comforted

by the tempters wares.

Snow Dragons

Billowing clouds

White Curls

Envelope their faces

From nostrils flared

With effort

Stalking forward

Cautious yet pruposeful

Treading with dread

The fall

The trip

The step into air

That is not solid.

They fill the air

Advancing onward

Muffled and swaddled

In wool and fleece

Their breath spirals

Into the air

Cutting its chill

Breaking the stillness

With presence.

Praise confession and repentance

I remember all the ways you have blessed me.

You gave me the breath of life,

You led me into a garden of delights

Where streams of living water flowed.

Your mighty hand flung stars into the dark vastness of night

To light my way and chase away the dark.

You removed my yoke

And led me with chords of love

Into safety.

You gave me the body of your son

On a tree

Bearing the weight of all my sin.

The words of life

Spread out in offering.

Have I forgotten the price that you paid?

Have I begun to walk alongside you,

Not touching

Not caring?

Not in the silence of companionship

But in the gulf of estrangement.

Going through the motions of walking,

With you but without you.

Like two loves

Their passion spent and exhausted

Weary of company.

Mundanity and ritual

Replacing surprise and delight in one another.

How often have you looked back and reached out

To connect

And my eyes and heart have ceased to notice your entreaty

And instead I have meandered behind you

Moving off unaware

Not noticing that I have forgotten you

Until at last You are Gone and I realise I have been left  behind.

Turn to me again, as I turn to you and kneel

Take my hand as I give you mine

Hold my heart as I offer it freely

Bind it to you as I surrender again all that I am

Turn to me again and whisper as a lover turns to the one they love

Enfold me in your forgiveness, in the strength of your arms

As I repent and remember that you are my first love

Turn to me again as I remember the blood that flowed

The tears of joy wept at the power of your saving grace.

The healing touch as you lifted me from my falling and rescued me from my disgrace.

Turn to me again and burn the very core of my being

With a passion that knows no dampening

And replace my lukewarm heart with an unquenchable fire.

For Rhona

Come rest in my arms child

Sigh your cares away

No magic charm is needed

To chase the dragons away

My love conquers all

So come come away

Come into my arms child

Where its safe to play.

Come rest in my arms

And just come and be

I’ll sing you a song

As you diddle on my knee

My eyes only see you

As you truly are

Come into my arms child

How wonderful you are.

Come rest in my arms

Lay all doubt aside

My love has no boundaries

For you at my side

I’ll show you how deep

Far and wide my love is

Come into my arms child

Its where freedom lives

Come into my arms

And see what I see

Your radiant beauty

And all you will be

A woman of wisdom

With truth in her hand

Come into my arms child

My Ezer of man.

Path to pain

Have mercy on me O god

Because of Your unfailing love

I do not have to tread

The path to pain you trod

Let me not diminish

Your footsteps of pain

With guilt and un-acceptance

Of the forgiveness of my sins stain

So as I step upon this way

Fill me with hope

And in expectancy I pray

that at the end

You will meet me

A small passing

How can I mourn such a loss?

No funeral song to mark your passing,

No words of eulogy or comfort,

No heart warming stories to tell,

Just tears spilled into the empty night.

A small passing

How did I bind such love to you?

In such a short time

Why did God dangle such hope?

Only for it to disappear

How can I mourn such a loss?

A small passing

How can I stand my emptiness?

And feel only one heart beating

Where can I find God’s answers?

In the clamour of my rage

How can I mourn such a loss?

A small passing

How can I look at your cross?

And see its connection

And carry my grief before me

Yet embrace, life

How can I mourn such a loss?

A small passing

These Things-the cross

These things of wood and nail

Once fashioned by a saviours hands

A carpenters joy

These things

Now made

To destroy.

These thorns once nestled

The wings of birds

Now mock the crown

Of the One

True dove

This tree once splendid

Its branches out wide

The breath of God

In its leaves once sighed

Now streamed

With blood

Of the one who died

I may not tear or bleed-Christ Crucified

I may not tear or bleed

I may not show my pain

I may not cry out

Or plead for my shame

Yet your body tore

You bled

You cried

and my shame

You heard

and carried

(c) RBell